I've Got an Itchy Trigger Finger. No, Really!
4 months ago
Monday, December 19, 2011
Loneliness
It has been two weeks since Daddy has been gone and it still seems unreal. I keep waiting for his call so I can come get him. I go to the house I grew up in and wait to hear him walk in the door or the room. Disappointment sets in every time I leave and I do not see him. I am drawn to his room just so I can find something that smells like him. The sanctuary of his office has been changed and it is losing the feeling of being his. I long for the sound of his voice, to hold his hand, to kiss his cheek and tell him that I love him. Loneliness is plaguing me. It is completely selfish, but I desperately wish he was here.
Friday, December 09, 2011
Prayers Needed
The past month has been difficult, but the past week has been devastating. My Daddy went in the hospital last month for open heart (aorta replacement) surgery. The surgery went well and he was recovering very well. I took him for the first of his follow up appointments on Nov 29th and blood work and exam both came back with good reports. Then last week on Thursday he started feeling poorly and had a dizzy spell.
Friday I went back and he was worse and had a drop in blood pressure and almost collapsed. We took him to the ER and after 2 EKGs and a chest x-ray came back fine we thought he would just stay overnight for observation then come home. I got a call about 1:45am on Saturday morning from my mom and something was wrong. Seems several factors came together to create a "perfect storm" in Daddy's body. He went into cardiac arrest and was unconscious. He was on a fine line and they said it would be a miracle if he came out. I was praying for that miracle! After the first few crucial hours past and he was still declining we were told he might go at any time. My brother lives 14 hours away so we called him and he and his wife were coming as well as my Daddy's younger brother who lives 5 hours away.
Against all of the Doctors and nurses expectations Daddy stayed with us until Sunday morning. My brother and his wife had made it in at 2:30am Sunday and were able to see him. Although Daddy never regained consciousness I know that he knew we were there and he waited until they all got in. I had rarely left his side since 4:30am on Saturday when we first were able to go in the room with him. I was still having to leave every so often to take care of the baby, but I tried to only be gone for 20-30 minutes at a time.
I was with Daddy by myself for those last hours. I talked to him, held his hand, rubbed his shoulder and kissed his forehead and told him how much I love him. Around 6:30-7am Sunday I woke and his vitals were slipping lower. We knew it was going to happen soon. I got the call that little man needed me so I told Daddy that I was going to be gone for a little bit then I would return. I asked him to hang on until I returned. I was gone for about 15-20 minutes to nurse my little man when I got the call from the nurses to hurry back. I rushed back to him and a few minutes later he was gone. I was so glad that I was with him at the end, but I am devastated that I will not see him again until we meet in heaven. I just remember not letting go of his hand for a long time almost afraid to let go of him. Please pray that I will have the strength to help my mom during this time.
Friday I went back and he was worse and had a drop in blood pressure and almost collapsed. We took him to the ER and after 2 EKGs and a chest x-ray came back fine we thought he would just stay overnight for observation then come home. I got a call about 1:45am on Saturday morning from my mom and something was wrong. Seems several factors came together to create a "perfect storm" in Daddy's body. He went into cardiac arrest and was unconscious. He was on a fine line and they said it would be a miracle if he came out. I was praying for that miracle! After the first few crucial hours past and he was still declining we were told he might go at any time. My brother lives 14 hours away so we called him and he and his wife were coming as well as my Daddy's younger brother who lives 5 hours away.
Against all of the Doctors and nurses expectations Daddy stayed with us until Sunday morning. My brother and his wife had made it in at 2:30am Sunday and were able to see him. Although Daddy never regained consciousness I know that he knew we were there and he waited until they all got in. I had rarely left his side since 4:30am on Saturday when we first were able to go in the room with him. I was still having to leave every so often to take care of the baby, but I tried to only be gone for 20-30 minutes at a time.
I was with Daddy by myself for those last hours. I talked to him, held his hand, rubbed his shoulder and kissed his forehead and told him how much I love him. Around 6:30-7am Sunday I woke and his vitals were slipping lower. We knew it was going to happen soon. I got the call that little man needed me so I told Daddy that I was going to be gone for a little bit then I would return. I asked him to hang on until I returned. I was gone for about 15-20 minutes to nurse my little man when I got the call from the nurses to hurry back. I rushed back to him and a few minutes later he was gone. I was so glad that I was with him at the end, but I am devastated that I will not see him again until we meet in heaven. I just remember not letting go of his hand for a long time almost afraid to let go of him. Please pray that I will have the strength to help my mom during this time.
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